An Aging Problem.

This whole not being attracted to guys my own age thing is really starting to become a problem. On Tuesday I went to TigerHeat's Recess at Club Eleven, a gay club that I go to from time to time, and the guys there where pretty cute. I was feeling a lot of them but I wasn't really completely attracted to anyone until this guy who was probably in his mid to late thirties came in. He had to be gay cause his shirt was way to tight for him to be straight. I could tell he was very shy and maybe felt a little out of his element at the club cause his mannerism were very reserved and cautious. We made eye contact a couple times and I gave him the "you're cute, I'm into you" look. He seemed into me but I don't think he knew exactly how to approach me. He later just ended up dancing with the friends he came with. I swear right when he walked into the club all my attention and focus was on him and I completely forgot about all the other guys my age. It wasn't even like I wasn't being pursued by other guys, a couple guys gave me the eye and some even approached me and said I was hot. I don't have a problem liking older guys cause at the end of the day age is just a number, but I don't like how it's effecting my day to day view on guys my age. *Ughhh gay boy problems*

Tequila. Ketamine. Party Monster.

Like 3 nights ago my close friend had a kick back at her house which soon ended up consisting of tequila, fresh fruit, ketamine, weed, part monster soundtrack, and a dance party. I usually try to stay away from tequila because its fucking tequila but my best friend bought a $40 bottle so we made the most of it and boy did we all make the most of it, next thing i knew there was a random handle of Jose, dogs running around and 90's music blasting. Ketamine came into the picture later in the night and I usually don't like to mix alcohol and k cause it completely fucks you up but I had way to many drinks for good judgement. Ohh we made fun drinks too. I came up with a Red Berry Shooter, later into the night became a Zane Bang Bang, tequila, fruit juice, sliced strawberries, raspberries, and diet squirt for a little carbonation and sweetness. My friend came up with A Blended Purry, Tequila, sugar, strawberries, raspberries and cranberry juice which was then blended then served.

A lot of dancing and drinking, got home at 3 then woke up at 7 so I could go to work.

Over It.

So that guy from my gym that I have talked about way to much hasn't come into to my gym in about three weeks, I'm over it. I don't even understand why I'm upset about this cause we weren't even anything. I'm just really annoyed because out of all the older guys that flirt with me and treat me to energy drinks and health bars he was the only one who actually genuinely cared about my well being and actually really seemed interested in me as a person, as opposed to a sex object. If I happen to see him then I see him, I'm not putting my self out there anymore. I finally take myself out of the ring and this great guy pops in into my "life" and bam all this shit happened. Why am I even bitching about this? I've had to much coffee I'm on my fourth cup and I need to end my shift soon. I need a cigarette, I need a lot of things.

Pause on Lust.

It's been two weeks since I've seen my Spectrum boo, which sucks cause last time I saw him we we're actually talking and flirting a lot more. It seemed like things we're actually going somewhere, I even told him that I was looking forward to seeing him next week and he wink at me. Just my fucking luck he's been gone for two weeks. The first week he was m.i.a turns out he checked into one of the Spectrums in Santa Barbara, but last week he was completely m.i.a. He made me excited for work and to be honest I picked up more shifts hoping I would see him more. I feel unbelievably creepy, but I've never been this infatuated with a guy before so quickly. Well we will see what happens on Sunday. Oh and side note: I'm no longer attracted to guys my age, the only guys I find myself attracted to are all either 23 or older or, you're not going to believe this, have kids. Where is my life going?