Athletic Club Lover?

So as usual I've had my eye on a couple of members at my gym, I know what else is new? What can I say I like men, plain and simple. There's this one guy who is quite handsome, classically. About my height I think, which is tall cause I'm six foot, middle eastern and goes to the gym all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME, and not just my gym, he has a platinum members ship so I mean he hits up all the gyms in California, which means he must be loaded. A standard monthly member ship is $85, yeah I know. So imagine what he pays monthly to have access to every gym, jesus christ! Anyway he is so adorable, a little timid and shy but he is so cute! When I first saw him, he caught me doing a double take once over and I smiled and became chatty with him. He must have realized that I never really chatted with anyone but him when ever I would check him in. He slowly realized that I was into him and seemed slightly amused. He always smiles but never really says anything, he almost always catches me glancing over at him. Just last Sunday I hadn't seen him for sometime but he surprised me and came in to work out. I was checking in a member when he came in, I didn't notice him at first but I glanced over and instantly got nervous and looked away. I checked him in and said the usual "Hey, how are you today?" with a smile and slight eye flirtation. He did the usual smile and made his way into the gym. I became so giddy and excited to see him that I couldn't focus on anything, I was a fucking little school girl who just got noticed by the school hottie. Time passed and I began to read and work on my school work. I noticed some members leaving so I stopped what I was doing to wish them goodbye and that guy approached me, I became nervous again and said my usual "Bye, have a nice day." with the usual smile and eye flirtation. Instead of him just smiling and walking on he winked at me and said "Alright." I instantly blushed and smiled even wider. He has a fucking accent, I have no idea what kind of accent but he has one! He is so adorable and just all around cute I can't help getting excited when I see him. He has these really gorgeous brown eyes, fuck he is so hot! I don't even care that he has money or the fact that he is 56.

Fighting Old Habits: Purge

It's really hard for me to lose weight the healthy way because I used to suffer from bulimia and slight anorexia back when I danced ballet. When ever I look in the mirror and asses my weight I always think "a little purging wouldn't hurt." or "I guess I could skip a couple meals." I need to lose 20 pounds so I can fit into stuff when I'm drag queen, aka Dominique Rivera, and it's a little frustrating I guess is all I'm trying to say.

Change of Pace.

Long story short I'm really stressed out. I'm in my fourth week of collage and I'm already behind. I'm not getting any sleep, I'm broke and I'm constantly wanting to change myself. I'm so tired of automatically judging and bullying people based on their appearance. High school made me into to this mean and pretentious person and I'm so over the whole petty bully bullshit. I've almost been out of high school for a year. I'm about to be 19, I don't want to be known as the guy that doesn't like people for no reason.

I'm slowly becoming more outgoing and sociable so I'm changing for the better gradually. I'm just so exhausted all the time but I don't like showing it because I always "need" to put up a front. Everything is stressing me out and I just can't handle everything. I just need to slow down, breath and take on things one at a time.